The healing process

Ever since Talia was born, I’ve been ambivalent at best to fullterm newborns. They seemed so different, almost alien. I felt quite negative about seeing them; even though my head told me everything was OK, clearly in my subconscious I still harboured either some sadness or anger or jealousy or maybe just a yearning for other people to understand what I had to endure. I wasn’t proud of these feelings, but they welled up within me of their own accord.

Then this week, a friend with a premmie son the same age as Talia had a daughter, Elizabeth, born at 38 weeks and for the first time in two years I looked at a photograph of a full term newborn baby and felt only happiness and relief.  Yesterday an old school friend had her first child, a full term baby, and again I felt only joy and excitement.

It has been a slow process but I think I really am now healing emotionally.